Jerry Twombly - Funding Your God Given Vision Through Relational Development

Always On Parade

Relationships begin where you least expect them.

It might be sitting next to someone on an airplane. You might "meet" an organization by making an inquiry telephone call. Perhaps you saw a brochure or newsletter that "caught your eye" or it may have been the report of another that testified of the value a particular non-profit had on them.

The other day someone handed me a business card. I was struck by its "feel" and impressed with the simplicity of a card that spoke volumes in terms of the commitment to quality of an organization.

I have been "turned off" by a website, and brought to a level of total frustration trying to figure out what an organization is really asking me to consider. I've been inspired by a persuasive speaker and turned off my short answers by someone I know would rather be talking to someone else.

Advertisements that don't communicate "up front" what they want: where an event might be held, the dates, and costs quickly lose. You've got seconds to get my attention and a few minutes to capture my imagination. And that's it.

Your organization is always on parade. From words spoken over the phone or the attitude of a staff member toward someone they don't even know; both leave impressions and may well determine whether or not you'll have a relational chance.

The Relational Continuum

If you really want to understand the steps that take place in building life-long relationships, take a look at falling in love.

Don't you find it interesting that two people existing on the same planet who at one time didn't even know each other could one day find themselves together before an officiate committing their lives to each other for ever?  This is the same couple that grew up in some instances thousands of miles apart, possibly from totally different cultures, and with backgrounds that have absolutely no similarity.  And here they are looking lovingly and deeply into the eyes of their beloved saying, "For richer, for poorer; for better, for worse; in sickness and in health; until death do us part!" What in the world happened? 

If you could possibly dissect the steps that led to such a transformational change then you're well on your way to understanding the heart of development. If you could learn how to replicate these same steps in ways that will yield similar relational results you will be successful in achieving your organizational vision.

Your success in development—whether that be fund-raising, orchestrating a successful capital fund campaign, completing and implementing an organizational strategic plan, or simply communicating with greater impact and results—will ultimately be measured in terms of how effective you have been in identifying these steps and strategically implementing them in your day-to-day activities. 

Core Relational Concepts

Most of us think of people when we hear the word relationship.  The word triggers a flood of memories and a stream of images of individuals who have had an impact on our lives.  And at the core of something so intensely personal are two predominant concepts in which all relationships are rooted:

1. The Defining Characteristic of a Relationship is that it is Reciprocal—We use a lot of words to describe a fulfilling relationship, words like: fun, the sharing of common interests, safe, and enjoyable. But the defining aspect is that both parties benefit.  If both parties don't benefit, you don't have a relationship, you have an arrangement.  Many organizations have arrangements with donors: If you give we'll keep on sending receipts.  The unspoken message is, "and if you stop, you'll never hear from us again!" 
2.  Relationships are both Emotion and Rational—It's emotion that brings us together, it's rationalism that keeps us there.  Every relationship in which we find ourselves, whether with an organization or an individual, was entered into initially because of an emotional appeal; our emotions were initially stirred to a point that motivated us to move closer.  But as time passes the character and quality of the relationship change, they grow deeper and stronger, we begin to feel safe and comfortable, our thoughts seem almost to merge, and the roots of commitment grow. Emotion doesn’t go away; it grows deeper, stronger, and becomes more stable over time.

Four Steps that Lead to Relationship (And Love and Commitment)

There are four definable steps that move people into a relationship.  They have occurred in conjunction with everyone and everything  we enjoy and become the basis of what we must do in order to grow the cadre of supporters our organizations will require to fulfill their mission.  Knowing them is important, applying them essential, and reaping the results imperative to the important work of development. 

1. The Exposure Opportunity—In all relationships, at every level in which we experience them, there came a time when we were exposed for the first time to someone (or some organization) that we never knew existed.  It may have been an event that we attended, an article we read, the testimony of someone, a letter we received, a news report we saw, a captivating picture that caught our imagination, a newsletter or brochure, an infomercial, a receptionist’s answer to a phone call, a website, a business card casually passed on, or an advertisement.  The list goes on and on.  Everyday people are being exposed to you and the organization you represent. It may be intentionally planned or a casual encounter.  Every relationship we have had a beginning point and understanding and acting on that reality is where all development begins.

2. The First Commitment—The next step occurs when a choice is made to act upon something.  It might be going to a website after reading an interesting article, filling out a form to receive a free report, completing an assessment to determine your eligibility, or a simple phone call to meet someone for coffee.  This is a rational choice; it reflects curiosity more than commitment.  It’s an independent choice made by someone we don’t really know and success here is measured in terms of how well the first step was managed.

3. The Second Commitment—The third step reveals more.  It may have been curiosity that motivated an initial contact but more is communicated when more information is sought.  Movement here is much more significant as it expresses interest.  It’s at this time we provide “free trials” and “risk free” opportunities.  It’s the proving ground upon which subsequent decisions will be made.  Performance is being measured at this point and success lies in the balance.

4. The Commitment to Trust—Among the hardest things to do is to trust someone.  Everyone has a story of trust misplaced.  The older we become, the more wary we are to commit ourselves to someone or something.  People prefer the fringes rather than the war, to be spectators rather than participants. And gaining trust is a process that takes time, experience, communication, and consistency.  The more we deliver over time the more successful we become.  And it’s the repetition that yields confidence and the willingness to make the life-long commitments to a person, a product, an idea, or an organization.

Detailing the Journey
Over the next several weeks, I would like to develop each of these concepts.  I will provide a wide range of practical steps any organization can take to achieve its ultimate goal of building the kinds of relationships we must have to accomplish the mission to which we inalterably committed.

Targets and Partners

In the world of development there are two kinds of people:  targets and partners. 

There's a humorous cartoon drawn by Gary Larson that depicts three deer at a water hole.  One huge buck has a distinguishing birthmark that looks remarkably like a target.  One of the deer looks up and says, "That's a heck of a birthmark, Hal!" 

Imagine Hal, walking through the forest in the crosshairs of every hunter; not a very pleasant place to be!  Unfortunately, our profession tends to produce lists of individuals who we feel might have an interest in supporting our organization.  We write their name down and begin to treat them like a hunter in search or prey.  They're simply targets we've identified.  We know little about them, their interests, and their passions. 

Let's face it, most everyone that supports us was once a target.  Someone told us about them and we jotted their name down.  But in the process of building relationships something changed; they moved from being simply another name on the database to become a critical partner in enabling us to fulfill a common vision.

Partners just don't automatically become partners.  They need to be invited. And that's an intricate developmental process that takes time and some concentrated attention.  There's a sacrifice involved and there's benefit to be realized.

Here's an idea--why don't you schedule a meeting with someone this week.  It could be a luncheon, a visit at a local bistro, or just a casual conversation. Get to know the individual be asking questions like, "What is really important to you?" Take the time to focus totally on them.  Learn to ask questions, try to "get inside" someone; to really understand them and what makes them tick.

As a relationship develops there will come an opportunity where you might choose to ask another question, a question that might go something like this, "can you help me to understand the things I might do that could be effective in capturing the imagination of people like you?" Listen carefully to what is being told you.  And focus on the pronouns! If there ever comes a time when someone says, "we could do this," or "I could help you here . . . " then you know something very developmentally significant just happened--you've gained a partner!

Not everyone can give money.  But everyone can give something.  See people as God sees them, seek to identify and cultivate their giftedness, and help them find a place where they can use their gifts to impact the kingdom of God.  Maybe it will be in partnership with you!

"Yes" is a Good Word

When feeling somewhat exasperated with me, Sue (my wife) will often say, "You know Jerry, you just live in your own world!"   My reply is often with a tentative smile, "You know, you're right. And it's a great world I live in. You ought to join me there sometime!"

Let me share with you something about my world.  In my world, I have never expected anyone to say "no" to me.  You're probably rolling your eyes about now and perhaps wondering how I tend to deal with rejection for, certainly, people must have said "no" many times over the past sixty plus years!

And you're right.  I've had several respond to my appeal with a "no" answer.  I tend to be pretty sensitive and I really don't like the feeling that accompanies rejection.  And, there still remains a part of me that is surprised when it happens.  My conclusion is simply, "I just didn't give them enough opportunities to say "yes!" 

Amidst this rather mundane story there is an important development lesson. 

When someone says "no" to a request for help, in whatever form that appeal might present itself, it represents more than just a simple rejection; their response closes a door.  And once the door is closed for whatever reason, it is always much harder the next time to jar it open!

Here's my point, when you talk with individuals about your important work, suggest to them a variety of ways in which they can be involved.  Don't focus on money, focus on ways in which they might partner with you in your endeavors.

I like to phrase it something like this, "Often when I talk to people about my work, I find that they are curious about ways in which they can share in what we do.  Let me share with you 5-6 ways you can plug into what we're doing."  I'll share with them a list, often printed in a brochure or card, that will list several ways.  And there will always be something that they could easily say "yes" if they had the slightest interest in my work. 

Think of ways in which people could be involved.  They could pray for you, they could elect to receive a "free" VIP e-mail briefing, they could subscribe to a quarterly newsletter, they could become a "representative" for your organization in their church, business, or service club, etc. The list is endless.

"Yes" keeps the door of opportunity open.  It takes time to build life-long relationships.

The Relational Quotient

Ask someone today to share something about their life.

You might pose the question in terms of their career, "Tell me how you ever ended up doing what you're doing today?" Or you might be prompted to ask a more probing question like, "Could you share with me the things that have led to your deep commitment to God?"

Questions are the ultimate compliment. Whenever you ask anyone a question you are suggesting that they have information you don't have . . . and that you sincerely would like to know. I'm convinced we don't ask enough questions. Most of us live like we have all the answers and we would rather not confuse the issue by getting unwanted input.

I love to hear the stories of people. They often report events that directed aspects of their life experience, they will frequently refer to the "timing" of circumstances that have affected them, and they will always talk about people.

And it's the people part of it that enthralls me. I can't seem to get enough of the people stuff. I ask them to tell me more about what these people said, how they acted, and what it was about them that had such a dramatic impact on their lives. It's incredibly interesting to me.

We are relational. All of our decisions, for good or for bad, have been impacted by others. Paul built a relationship with Timothy and poured himself into Timothy's life. Timothy heard what Paul had to say about critical issues of life and faith, he watched him relate to others, and emulated (I'm sure) much of message and behavior of his beloved mentor.

At the end of his life Paul writes to Timothy. It's his last written communication and one that speaks to his passions more precisely than any letter he wrote. His admonition to his disciple, "The things you have heard from me that have been confirmed by many witnesses, the same (things) commit to faithful men that they might be able to teach others also" (2 Timothy 2:2).

I have spent the greatest portion of my life coming alongside passionate people who feel called to fulfilling God's calling on their lives. They want to leave a legacy, something that will continue to fulfill God's work long after they've gone.

In the next several weeks I will be writing a series of articles on "relational development." I'd like to share with you a relational continuum and the logical steps that lead to the kinds of deep commitments so essential to ministry success. Hopefully the thoughts would do more than tickle our ears. I would hope they might move us to action and enable noble causes to achieve success.